Advertiser reporter Campbell Hutcheson has agreed to join the growing band of men who turn November into ‘Movember’ by sporting facial hair. Here he explains why...
You should have seen me at the Ultratheque.
Loose cotton shirt, drainpipe jeans and Cuban heels. Yowsa.
And with the clincher on my coupon: a mouser, a moustache.
I was in the early-80s disco crowd strutting my funky stuff on the throbbing, neon-lit dancefloors of beautiful downtown Manhattan... I mean Glasgow.
Ah, the Ultratheque. Just off Sausageroll Street.
My hairy upper lip was competing with the clean-shaven New Romantic boys wearing frilly shirts, curtains and their mother’s make-up.
Still, the girls fell at my feet (if they tripped over the handbag pile). That was the last time the hair under my nose matched the hair on my head. Now, both bits are hair-free zones.
But I have been challenged by my (female) colleagues to eschew my morning date with the eight-cylinder, turbo diesel, four-blade machine that races through foam to scythe hair from my jowls.
“Grow a moustache for Movember,” the Advertiser crew said as one, sitting playfully on my chest.
How could I refuse such a delicate request?
November becomes Movember for the ‘tache-growing fraternity and Mo Bros are encouraged to let it all hang out (of their hair follicles).
In the coming weeks, if you should pass me and laugh at the growth on my upper lip, I, too, will laugh heartily in hands-on-hips, Mo Bro fashion.
But I shall feel obliged to apply the Titter Tax, turn you upside down and shake the loose change from the pockets of your ridiculous trousers.
Go on. Donate.
Help to raise funding and awareness of men’s health issues. Blokes need a kick up the jacksie because we fail to appreciate that our bodies are high-maintenance.
Just think: Every donation will help an old man recall his youth – and the girls that got away.
Man, I really loved those Cuban heels.
l Follow Campbell’s hairy adventures each week in the Advertiser and make a donation at http://uk.movember.com/mospace/1817376/