Ex-Edinburgh councillor tells of heartbreak of dementia

DAPHNE Sleigh was once one of the most prominent political figures in the Capital - a councillor for 21 years and leader of the city’s Tory group for nine.

Today her husband Lindsay Walls, who was also a Tory councillor, spoke of the heartbreak of seeing dementia take hold of her. And he said by talking about

it he hoped he could help other people facing a similar situation.

“It was diagnosed in 2010 but we’d known for a couple of years before that that something wasn’t quite right.

“Right at the beginning I was shattered - I thought, ‘Heavens, we’ve only really been retired five or six years from the council and that’s it, it’s never going to be the same again.’”

He said to start with Daphne, now 82, had been “terribly active”.

“She knew something was wrong, but she kept wanting to do things and she had nothing to do so she would empty drawers and tidy them up and put them away again.”

Two or three years after the diagnosis, she was put on medication. “It slows down the process and in Daphne’s case it calms her down quite a lot.”

Lindsay, 78, said his wife’s condition occasionally dips and then plateaus for a while.

They can no longer go for holidays, but they do enjoy walks and go to an art appreciation meeting once a month.

“She likes that - no-one is patronised, you walk round, paintings are described to you and a bit about the artist. There’s no question of ‘you’re the carer and you’re the patient’, you’re just altogether in a nice group and she enjoys that.

“We have fun together, I’ll make jokes and she still laughs - she laughs an awful lot. She is extremely happy, she’s not angry within herself at all.

“She was a fighter when she was a councillor, she has swung the other way - she’s just rather a nice, gentle person.”

He said at the beginning Alzheimers Scotland had put them in touch with Voice of Carers Across Lothian (Vocal) who ran a six-week course to help relatives understand dementia, what agencies were able to help and how to care for their loved one. “That gave us a lot of encouragement” he said.

Vocal also helped them claim attendance allowance, which also let them get a carer-plus -one bus pass, a disabled pass for trains and a blue badge for the car. He said he also contacted social work early on and now gets 14 hours a week support. “That’s a great help and Daphne’s carers are lovely people.”

The lockdown means Daphne’s daughter, who lives nearby, can no longer come in to help Lindsay get her mother up in the mornings and put her to bed at night, but the carers still come.

There is no disguising the sadness of the situation. “I find it heartbreaking,” said Lindsay. “I’m more sorry for Daphne than I am for myself. I remember the super times we had, The fun we had, the friends we had - it’s not there any more, it is quite difficult to cope with from an emotional point of view. But I keep my sense of humour and I make her laugh.”

And he has advice for people confronting a similar challenge.

“I feel by talking about it I can possibly help others. I’d say: Don’t hang back, don’t think social work is a dreadful thing that takes people away - they’re there to help, and there are agencies to help you too.”