Cabinet’s crop of talentless chancers was entirely predictable - Vladimir McTavish

No-one could possibly have foreseen that we would get through the entire year with just one Prime Minister. After all, in 2022, the average career span in the job was the equivalent of a World War Two fighter pilot, the manager of Rangers or Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend.

Remarkably Rishi is still hanging on, largely by being so dull that nobody has noticed that he’s still there. In fairness, dullness was what was needed at the time he took the job. After the scandal-wrecked Johnson years and six weeks of the kamikaze slapstick approach to government of Liz Truss, a bit of boring leadership was just what the doctor ordered.

After having a human hand grenade in Number Ten who self-destructed after 46 days, it was a relief to have a PM with the air of an animated shop dummy. I’m reckoning the waxwork model of Sunak in Madame Tussaud’s probably has more charisma.

However, what was entirely predictable was the crop of talentless chancers he’d employ. None of the current Cabinet would look out of place as contestants on The Apprentice, Sunak himself included. They all have the look of small time con artists aspiring to work in middle management in the retail sector. Grant Shapps doesn’t look like the Defence Secretary. He’d look less out of place working in a branch of the Carphone Warehouse in Slough.

Without doubt, the biggest bombshell of the past year was the sudden resignation of Nicola Sturgeon, mere weeks after she promised she had “plenty left in the tank”. But then, we’ve all thought that and driven past Harthill Services, only for the petrol light to come on. Her departure left Humza Yousaf with big shoes to fill. However, let us not forget that when she herself took over from Alex Salmond in 2014, Nicola had some exceedingly large trousers to fill.

None of us could have predicted the events that would follow, such as Police Scotland spending £700,000 looking into the alleged missing six-hundred odd thousand. Which turned out not to be buried at the foot of Sturgeon’s garden.

Likewise, I don’t think Lisa Cameron could have foreseen just how uncomfortable a time she would have as a Conservative MP after she jumped ship from the SNP. On her first day on the Tory benches, she had to sit in-between Theresa May and Douglas Ross, with a face like a slapped backside. However, neither the Vicar’s Daughter nor the Fat Referee looked particularly pleased with the situation. All three of them looked cringingly uncomfortable, as if they had been thrown together by some sadistic dating app that had malfunctioned and gone totally rogue.

Which just goes to show you should be careful what you wish for. Only a fool would try to predict what lies ahead in politics in 2024.

Football is an entirely different matter. Right now, I am insanely optimistic about Scotland’s chances at the Euros in June. Or maybe just insane? Here’s tae us in 2024. Lang may your lum reek.