Edinburgh's dog fouling problem: Unholy poo bags, Batman, city needs to tidy itself up – Susan Morrison

Drifts of litter are cluttering up the walkways and pavements, and not just underfoot. There’s hardly a shrub in the city that doesn’t harbour a bumper harvest of bulging bags of dog mess.

We can’t blame the dogs for this. For one thing, not even Lassie learned how to tie a knot in a plastic bag, smart though she was. No opposable thumbs, y’see. Nope, it's the humans who live here. No responsible feelings, y’see.

Responsible dog owners stride along with their little bags looking almost cool, chic, nearly Parisian. Why Chanel hasn’t brought out a quilted, crystal-embossed, poochy poo bag is a mystery to me.

Irresponsible owners either let Fido foul freely, or bag and chuck that mess into the nearest bush. Perhaps they assume the Doggy Doo Fairy will flutter past and collect up the little baggies. She doesn’t.

Is it something to do with lockdown? The pavements are awash with paper, plastic and cardboard. Amazon’s clearly been doing well recently, going by the number of decomposing boxes blowing in the wind.

Who are these people who can just throw out cardboard boxes?

Show me a sturdy box and I’m convinced I’ll find a use for it. I blame Blue Peter. Hardly a week past without Valerie Singleton making something from a cardboard box, glue and sticky-back plastic, whether it be a gift for Mothers’ day or a working model of the Sizewell B Nuclear Reactor.

We can’t blame the tourists. We’re the only ones living here now. We’d best get this place cleaned up in case they come back.

Commissioner Gordon used to light up the sky with the Bat symbol to secretly summon Batman in times of crises in Gotham City.

Why he didn’t just phone him I do not know. Is it time to activate the giant Litter Picker to bring Zsuzsa & Gerry Farrell and their litter-picking legions back to battle? While we wait, grab a picker, fill a bag, let's get this place cleaned up.

A message from the Editor:

Thank you for reading this article. We're more reliant on your support than ever as the shift in consumer habits brought about by coronavirus impacts our advertisers.

If you haven't already, please consider supporting our trusted, fact-checked journalism by taking out a digital subscription.