John Gibson: Bring Ark Royal up to Leith

Her life hereafter will be all too short as welders crawl all over here and convert her into razor blades and tin cans.

Enough to make one weep when a respectable future for the grand old lady could be staring the heartless Ministry of Defence in the face. Bring her to Leith and we’ll find a good home for her.

Shove yesterday’s potatoes Britannia aside and make way for Ark Royal. A berth awaits Britannia at Inverleith Pond. On her way up, she could do us all a huge favour and have everybody at the Ministry of Defence keel-hauled.

Dirty dogs

Messy, did you say? Just mind how you go and where you go. Else you could put your foot in it. Dog-fouling is so problematic in the streets of London’s Islington that the local council spent spent £134,000 employing 22 “dog mess” wardens.

The council, noses in the air, have given up after after a paltry 26 fines in three months.

The problen persists in Edinburgh where you have to wonder whether the council are bothering their backsides.

Worlds apart, but can I add here that they have 88 million rats in Mumbai? Who counted?

Anyway, 44 rat killers are employed there at £160 a month. Peanuts, but a boon to the jobless in their scramble for work.