Soviet spies I can handle, pandemics not so much – Susan Morrison

I was not long in the Girl Guides. There was an incident involving a campfire and a tin of beans that is still only talked of in hushed whispers in draughty church halls when Guides and Brownies meet.

What I can says is that I am certain there was a badge involving ‘Being Alert’, something the current Prime Minister is terribly keen on.

Back in the 60s I seem to recall that we had to be vigilant against dirt and Soviet spies. No Girl Guide could bear a speck of dust to sit whilst she had a damp cloth in her hand. Having won her proficiency badge only the week before, she was well drilled in the uses of hot water and white vinegar for thorough cleansing.

We had to be alert against the possibility of Soviet invasion, and thus we, as Girl Guides, were trained in the arts of first aid, semaphore and Morse code.

Bearing in mind that the herald of any invasion would have been at least one nuclear warhead taking out the submarine bases on the Clyde, I assume they expected us to do carry out the semaphore with just the poles having lost our flags in the fire storm that followed the blast.

I feel therefore that I am trained in the stages of being alert. I can spot dust, Soviet spies and, at a push, unattended luggage.

But I am baffled as to how to identify, raise the alarm and then neutralise the threat of a virus. Perhaps Mr Johnson will enlighten us in the days ahead. He’d win a proficiency badge for that.