Talk of the Town: Salmond’s football pitch fails to score

With Vladimir Romanov looking to sell the Tynecastle club for £50 million, Mr Salmond reportedly asked the Qatari royal family if they were interested, only to be told they had “no interest in investing in a Scottish football club”.

The First Minister raised the club’s sale with the billionaire royals after being approached by former club chairman Lord Foulkes. Mr Salmond, a Hearts fan, wrote in a follow-up letter to Labour peer Foulkes that the bid had been unsuccessful.

“I raised the matter informally with the Emir and the prime minister of Qatar,” he said.

“Unfortunately, it was made clear Qatar has no interest in investing in a Scottish football club at this time.”

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face . . on a slice of pizza?

IT’S that time of the year when haggis is definitely on the menu for Burns Night celebrations. So we weren’t too surprised to hear about the haggis pizza produced by Newtongrange’s Cosmo Products.

That is, until we saw the photographs. Company head Cosmo Tamburro Jr has created a handsome pizza portrait of the bard. But how could anyone eat such a striking piece of artwork?

A politician of note

THE Scottish Parliament has narrowly escaped an unsolicited audition for Holyrood’s Got Talent.

During a debate on the SNP’s cities strategy, Tory MSP Jackson Carlaw was so taken with the desire for private sector investment, he said: “I was inclined to give half a round of applause, invite everyone to join in a quick chorus of Kumbaya and then sit down.”

Labour’s Jackie Baillie egged him on. “Do it,” she shouted. But there was a distinct note of terror from Deputy Presiding Officer Elaine Smith who told him: “Please do not do it, Mr Carlaw.”