Fiona Duff: Something fishy about Oscars TV

No, I didn’t stay up until 5am like Gary Oldman’s old mam to see him get his statue, I just happen to be in a similar time zone to America.

To be honest I had no idea quite how many commercial breaks there are on television over here. I mean, I had heard that there were a lot but goodness, I think there were more Walmart promotional videos than actual programme. If this is what it is like day in and day out, it would drive me completely crackers.

Then it got to the end and surprise, surprise (not) the best picture was awarded to The Shape of Water. Honestly, are there that many people who actually think that this was the best film to have been released in the last year? It wasn’t even the best film I saw on the plane journey out here.

Someone has pointed out the many similarities between that film and Splash – a romcom about a mermaid with Darryl Hannah and Tom Hanks which, if I remember correctly, I saw in the 1980s.

It was certainly a lot more watchable and the storyline was similar with an almost identical ending. Of course, it wasn’t directed by some trendy arty chap and was marketed as a bit of light fluff to brighten up our lives. Darryl Hannah was absolutely stunningly beautiful. However, she couldn’t really act terribly well and I don’t suppose that helped when it came to handing out the Oscars.

Then again, that actress who played Woody Harrleson’s wife in Three Billboards was shockingly bad and totally miscast, yet it still received a nomination as best film.

But what on earth do I know? I pays my money and watches the films and no one gives a stuff about what I think. I don’t even bother putting my opinions on Rotten Tomatoes, where TSOW has a rating of 92 per cent and Paddington 2 (which I also saw on the plane) is 100 per cent. Perhaps that says it all.