Rick Wilson's The Man Who Would Be Elvis, part 5: Rivals make the jailhouse rock

The tassled and embroidered black jumpsuit was parked on the visitor chair beside Roddy when Krish appeared, greeting him like a long lost friend. As if nothing had happened between them.

“Hey, buddy!” he boomed out, shaking his co-star’s hand and gripping his arm. “We’re gonna rock the shit outta this place tonight, are we not?”

“Don’t we have stuff to discuss first?” said a taken-aback Roddy, returning a less committed grip.

He’d been expecting a more pointed talk about their not-quite-finished dramatic episode.

“Oh, that. We’ve fixed all that. We reckon it’ll all be sorted soon, so you can rest easy about it!”

“We? Who’s we?”

As he asked, Priscilla appeared on cue, dressed more lightly than before, and sat down in the same position she had occupied beside Fiona.

“Hello, Roderick,” she said. “Fiona asked me to give this to you. Thought you might need it tonight.” She delved into her handbag and extracted the old black Cher wig.

“Oh, thanks, how thoughtful,” said Roddy.

“Don’t thank me,” she said. “Thank your good lady. She’s the thoughtful one.”

“Of course. But about the other thing...”

“Yes,” she picked up quickly. “I think we’ve pulled it off. There should be a final decision about your release in a couple of days if I’m not mistaken.”

Roddy stood up and took her hand. “I really do have to thank you,” he said.

She shook her blonde tresses negatively, and said. “Thank Krish here, who was good enough to drop his grievance against you. Though he did need some feminine persuasion.” She winked first at Krish so Roddy wouldn’t see; then at Roddy so Krish wouldn’t see.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you guys in action this evening,” she said. “After I’ve done some official business in the management office.”

“But women aren’t allowed at the show,” said Roddy.

She got up, patted her skirt, and winked at both of them. “We’ll see,” she said. “Speaking as a lawyer and not as an inmate, I could be an exception. I might raise it with the governor.”

And then she was gone.

“She’s quite somethin’, eh, Rod?” said Krish as the ripples of her impact began to settle. “Turns out her mom was a big Elvis fan, which is why she’s called Priscilla. She showed me some more of your fair land when we met the other day to talk about you. So now I’m in love.”

“With her?” Roddy almost choked as he coughed.

“With here. With Scotland. Mind you...”

After a pause, Roddy said: “We’ve got to talk about the show. I know it’s just fun but we should get it right, no? Though we’ve performed in the same stuff, we’ve never worked together so we should fix some systems. I gathered a few good backers but we should rehearse before curtain-up.”

“If you say so,” said Krish, leaning over and grabbing the jumpsuit; caressing it and saying: “Great to see you again, my good friend.”

Was he talking to the suit or to Roddy, who prompted: “Well..?”

“I reckon we both know the stuff so well, it shouldn’t be a challenge. But I won’t rock the boat.”

“You’d better rock the boat, pal. That’s what you’re here for.”

“Touche,” said Krish, with that grin again.

The idea of playing Presley always cheered a guy up.

In his boyhood Edinburgh Rock was famous not just for its grand castle but as the inspiration for an eponymous candy bar – of cream of tartar and tons of sugar. But the castle and candy were never as sweet and volcanic as this exercise in retro rockery. Edinburgh had never known rock like this. The inmates who had streamed into the gym to take their seats, full of chattering anticipation, were not disappointed. There was no wordy introduction. Everyone knew why they were there. Getting straight down to it, the Elvis-suited co-stars launched – inevitably – into Jailhouse Rock, taking verses in turn, with some harmony to close.

The formula was instinctively adopted for all the numbers, as the mood of sheer foot-thumping excitement grew with each note blasted out from the stage. From Hound Dog through Heartbreak Hotel to the one that seemed to have some poignancy for the singers... The Girl of My Best Friend.

But unpredictably, it wasn’t an Elvis song that sealed the deal. They had practised it with the four backing musicians; but no-one was sure it would work inside a Presley theme. The audience seemed go with it, though, as Roddy stepped forward and said: “Elvis was a big fan and friend of a guy called Johnny Cash. And Johnny was famous for a song he sang for the prisoners of Folsom Prison in California. So I’d ask Krish, our own man-in-black American, to kick this one off.”

Hardly a word was sung before the cheering started. Krish found his deep Cash voice too, and trembled it out to ever-louder cheers and applause...

I hear the train a comin’

It’s rollin round the bend

And I ain’t seen the sunshine

Since I don’t know when

It wasn’t just Roddy who joined in as it rolled along. Every voice in the hall seemed to be on board that train a comin’. And when it finished, the applause went through the roof.

“I think Elvis would have approved of that,” said Roddy. “So let’s call it a day there.”

They both bowed, thanked their musicians, and took their leave to a huge chorus of “more!”

The Man Who Would Be Elvis by Rick Wilson, published by [email protected], is available from Amazon at £6.99 here

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