Scottish musicians reveal mental health struggles for powerful new film

Pipers, fiddlers, singers and composers recall how their lives and careers have been blighted by anxiety, depression, alcoholism, anorexia and suicide attempts.

The hour-long BBC Alba film, which is broadcast at 9pm on Tuesday, features some of the best-known performers at Glasgow's Celtic Connections festival, which launches a series of online concerts on Friday.

The musicians are interviewed by Mischa Macpherson, one of Scotland’s leading Gaelic singers, who discusses her own difficulties in the documentary, which examines why so many musicians suffer problems.

The film, Ceol is Cradh, explores the impact of the pandemic on the mental health of performers, who have no idea when they will be able to play for audiences.

It unites a group of musicians for the first time since the events industry was forced to shut down.

Speaking in the documentary, Lewis-born Macpherson, a former Gaelic singer of the year in Scotland, says: “From a young age, I’ve struggled with perfectionism.

"Even when my parents or teachers were happy with what I’d done, I wasn’t. I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself and often I’d become distressed thinking that neither I, nor what I was doing, were good enough.

"To the present day this is still a massive part of my life and I know that it’s holding me back. I’ve never made an album because of the fear and anxiety that it wouldn’t be good enough.”

Perthshire piper Ross Ainslie, who performs with Dougie MacLean, Salsa Celtic and Treacherous Orchestra, recalls giving up alcohol seven years ago after drinking heavily to try to deal with depression.

He says: “When you have depressive thoughts, you can hide it with substances or whatever, but then you’ve got to deal with the aftermath. That can be quite dangerous.

"Very quickly, years can go past and you’re on a slow kind of decline. When you get to the point where you’re so low or too deep, that’s when you’re in trouble. The shame or embarrassment is too much to get yourself out of it. There are loads of periods of my life when I don’t have a clue about what happened.”

Laura Wilkie, who plays with award-winning band Kinnaris Quintet, took a year out of studying in Glasgow and sought specialist help for anorexia.

She said: “It was difficult and scary. I knew I was going to have to do things I didn’t want to do, like eating food on a regular basis, not being allowed to exercise, being monitored all the time, having to talk about my feelings in front of peers and in group therapy. It really did help.

"The whole experience did actually make me better and I feel really lucky that I was able to do that.”

Highland fiddler Chloe Bryce, a recent graduate of the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland in Glasgow, suffered regularly from anxiety.

She said: “It’s about expecting too much from myself. During the most difficult time I’ve experienced so far, I wasn’t able to sleep at all and I was still trying to continue with uni and attend rehearsals and gigs.

"I stopped drinking for six months because I felt I couldn’t control my thought processes.”

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