Force asylum seekers to move to Stoke, that will stop the boats - Vladimir McTavish

When questioned on BBC radio, Immigration Minister Michael Tomlinson seemed to have no clue.

Anyway, the main thing is the UK Government finally managed to get their bill through Parliament.

Rishi Sunak told them they would be there all night until they agreed with him. They can deal with the detail later.

This all ignores the understandable concerns as to whether Rwanda is actually a safe country to which we should be sending some of the most vulnerable people on Earth. It has a very recent history of oppression and genocide. But Rishi assures us that is all in the past. In fact, they now have adverts on the sleeves of Arsenal’s home kit. Surely that makes them safe ? But weren’t millions of people wiped out there in living memory?

Everyone’s concerns have of course been laid to rest by the Tories. Their new law actually states that Rwanda is a safe country. That makes it safe. Even George Orwell could not have dreamt up such an idea.

The country is not only safe, it is full of opportunities, we are told. If we are to believe the Home Office, it sounds like some kind of Nirvana. This raises two obvious questions. If the place is so marvellous, why doesn’t James Cleverly move there himself? Secondly, if it truly is some kind of paradise, how will that act as a deterrent to people crossing the Channel in small boats?

Surely the risk of being drowned in the freezing cold sea off Dover is deterrent enough ? Tragic events this week show the risks that people are willing to take to reach the UK. A potential plane ride to Africa is hardly likely to be a disincentive.

Of course, all of this is being done to placate pro-Brexit voters in some of the most deprived cities in England. Having turned their backs on Labour in 2019, the Tories are petrified that they will haemorrhage votes in the “Red Wall” once the citizens of Hartlepool and Stoke-on-Trent realise that the European Union and foreign immigrants were not the reason for their towns becoming toilets. Heaven forbid they might actually come to the realisation that fourteen years of Conservative rule is the root cause of their communities being decimated.

Before the people of Staffordshire put pen to paper and write to the editor, I should point out that I am not talking from a position of ignorance. I was actually born in Stoke-on-Trent. Luckily my family moved back to Glasgow when I was very young. I have been back to Stoke since, for a gig. Never again.

There must be more effective ways of dissuading people from crossing the Channel. Why not show them pictures of Paddy McGuiness and tell them that this guy is never off the telly in our country? Or tell teenage asylum-seekers they will never be able to buy fags in Britain. Or make everyone in the camps in Calais watch endless re-runs of Bargain Hunt

Or to pass a law forcing all asylum seekers to move to Stoke-on-Trent. If that doesn’t stop the boats, nothing will.